You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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