Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
