apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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