just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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