you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize