I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
