someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize