Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
