If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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