This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
