2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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