honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
