is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
