I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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