Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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