New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
