My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
