so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
