i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
