Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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