my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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