I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
