you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
