My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
