I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
