Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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