mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
