im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
