I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
