Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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