I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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