Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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