So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
