My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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