Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
