Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
