Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
