Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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