I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
