It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
