what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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