Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
