So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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