I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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