I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
