I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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