I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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