My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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