i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
