just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Pooping to opera.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
