OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
