When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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