OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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