I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had sex on a roof
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
