How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
