I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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