A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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