I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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