I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
last night I used snow as a chaser
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
