I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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