Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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