i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize