It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
