just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
