So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
