is your mom at the bar?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
is it fun? or sober?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
